I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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