even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk