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Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
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