there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I need moral support for this bender
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize