i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.