"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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