i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
