Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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