talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
