Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
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she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
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you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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