well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Never underestimate the power of titties
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