We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
