Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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