420 ftw
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
he had hair everywhere except his balls
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
