it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
