My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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