I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
