So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
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