I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
