i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
