It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
