dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
