Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
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there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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