We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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