I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
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He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
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I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize