how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
