don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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