Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
