So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
