I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
