my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
this is an emotional support booty call
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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