so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
