We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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