So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
