shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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