did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
