Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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