you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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