I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
