I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He passed out mid-signature
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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