im drinking this country out of the recession.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
