Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
