you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
We are all done wearing pants today
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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