I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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