my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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