Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
