my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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