shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
