it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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