went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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