Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
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