I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize