Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
