the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
