I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
