You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
