2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize