Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
