oh god the rape fog is back!
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
