More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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