i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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