peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
