2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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