Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
