Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
