This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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