he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
