Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
