I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
