so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
