How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
