I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
