"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
