i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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