Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
