My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
