the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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