booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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