His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I got her a Nickelback box set.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
