Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
