i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
