If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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