If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
