He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I did not marry a roomba.
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