he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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