wakey wakey hands off snakey
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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