You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
No...this little piggys going to the bar
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
