Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
