i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Sorry my hands just texted you
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
