His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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