Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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