Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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